Perfektly Mary

Labor started with me grumpily getting on Dustin’s case, tripping over the dog, and then drenching Dustin and I in amniotic fluid. Oh the romance of labor.

I’d like to say that my first reaction was to exchange a look with Dustin that expressed the miracle of us creating life together and how amazing the next couple of hours would be, but that look was for the end of the first pregnancy. Three pregnancies later, the first thing I said was “Hallelujah, I’m not going to be pregnant tomorrow!”.

After my water broke,

we tried to go back to sleep.  I knew it would take a while for contractions to kick in.  We called Dustin’s parents and they headed down from Page to watch the kids.  It worked out perfectly (for us) since when we called, they were packing their last bag in the car for a vacation in Utah.  Once they got our call, they just came here instead.

While we waited for them to make the five hour drive, I packed the hospital bag, cleaned the house and waited for things to start. Somewhere around 3-5pm my contractions became 5 minutes apart and I was unable to talk during them because I needed to concentrate.  After hugs and kisses for the kids and grandparents, we were off to the hospital to meet baby Lindy!

On the way, Dustin (stud and professional labor coach ) stopped by Mac’s lounge and got me a hot fudge sundae. While in the drive-thru my contractions started gaining strength. Awesome.  I was moaning and squirming in the front seat while Dustin tried to pay. I can only imagine what that poor high school employee was thinking. Birth control? Abstinence?

We’d been to the hospital where I was to deliver the week prior, so we had a general idea of how to get there and where to park. At that visit we were seeing my midwife at the medical offices, so we didn’t actually see the maternity ward.

What we didn’t expect was that for some unknown reason, the architects of St. Joe’s decided that hiding the maternity ward was a great idea.  In between having to stop every 3 minutes while I worked through contractions, we were able to get directions to triage.

“Oh it’s right over there. Walk past valet parking, take a left towards the chapel, once you are facing the chapel you must find the leprechaun. Ask the leprechaun for the key, head towards the left and only if you are worthy will the entrance appear.  Then you can use the key and proceed to the maternity ward.”

Idiots.

The rest of labor went really smooth…in a rip your nethers out and act like an animal kind of way.  This time my midwife was able to stay with me through the whole thing! She and my amazing nurse acted more like doulas and coached me through the entire labor.  They supported and encouraged Dustin too as he rubbed my back with cool washcloths and sang my praises.

This time I didn’t scream for an epidural!  This time the contractions came more regularly and I didn’t need Pittocin! This time my nurse said she wished more births were like mine!  This time my body knew what it was doing during the VBAC!  And this time…I cussed, threw up the above mentioned sundae, pooped while pushing, and gave birth hunched over the back of the bed (which basically made it look like they were pulling the baby out of my butt). Oh, I also  growled and screamed so loud people came from down the hall to make sure everything was ok.  Pretty much a textbook natural birth.

What wasn’t textbook was the ending.

On the way out Lindy’s shoulder got stuck on my pelvis.  I was so afraid of getting a hemorrhoid that I’d stopped pushing.  Everyone kept telling me “Push!”, but I was so worried I was going to push my intestines out my butt instead of a baby out my nethers, that I wouldn’t. I then heard my midwife call for NICU over the intercom and said to me very firmly “Mary, she has to come out right now“.  I sensed something in her voice that scared me so I pushed, pushed, pushed her out.

Silence.

In came NICU and I looked over to see them giving her air via a bag and trying to get her to respond.  I started bawling. I thought she was dead and that I had killed her by giving up on pushing.  I kept asking if she was ok.  They were busy working on her, so they didn’t respond.  That freaked me out even more.  Dustin just stroked my head and held me and said “She’s fine. I promise”.  What seemed like an eternity later, they placed her silent, warm, beautiful little body on my chest.  I was really confused since she still hadn’t cried, but she took to nursing instantly and I knew she was ok.  Her forehead, nose and lips were pretty badly bruised and she wouldn’t move her right arm. But other than that she was perfect.

A couple days later the bruising was gone and x-rays confirmed she hadn’t broken anything on the way out. Our pediatrician suggested physical therapy for her arm, but since she was moving it more each day, Dustin and I thought we’d just wait and see what happens.  We were right, and now her arm is perfectly fine.

So to summarize…it was the perfect vaginal birth after a c-section.  Welcome to the world precious Lindy Joy.  We love you more than words can express (and thank you for not giving me a hemorrhoid).

The end.