Perfektly Mary

I just don’t feel like blogging.

I’ve always been brutally transparent here. A lot of you have commented on how you admire and appreciate it. I’m grateful for the compliments, but it’s really not because I’m brave. It’s just because I don’t know better than to say half the stuff I do.

Lately, I’ve been afraid to blog because I fear I lack common sense. Seriously. It’s never been one of my stronger virtues.

When I’m in conversation with people I notice their expression do one of two things. They either give a huge sigh of relief and comment “I’m so glad you said that, I thought I was alone and would have never brought such and such up” or they look away stunned and embarrassed for me. Lately, it seems like I embarrass myself more than inspire others. I feel like I can’t trust my own judgment and that’s a hard place to be. I fear that I will inadvertently hurt people I really care about.

Here’s an example: The other day, I was letting our psycho dog in. She was super hyper and came sprinting across the yard. I noticed that Christian was in the line of fire and bent over to scoop him up. Next thing I knew, I was on the ground with blood on my hands and face. Evidently the dog and I had knocked skulls. I was ok apart from a killer headache and two freaked kids. So what did I do next? Text pictures of my bloody face to all my long distance family members of course! Before I got a chance to explain what had happened, my cell was blowing up! I had freaked everyone out! …..lapse of judgment.

So you see, I feel like I can’t trust myself and would rather stay quite for now than accidentally hurt anyone.