Perfektly Mary

As I was laying in bed half asleep, half awake, with a fever, I came up with this list:

If I were God…

1. Unicorns would actually exist.

2. The flabby post baby belly would actually have a use. That’s where my third arm would be stored. I could hold both babies at the same time and if a pacifier fell…no big deal. Out comes extend-able, retractable arm, from it’s stylish cushioned pouch in my belly.

3. Women would come with permanent French pedicures, their hair would never get greasy and they would never compare themselves to one another.

4. They’re, their, and there would all be spelled the same. I can figure out what people mean when they use the words while speaking, I’m sure I could figure it out when I’m reading as well.

5. Husbands would be happy with the amount of sex they get. Oh, and they’d always think it was amazing. And want to send wives to spas for it and bring home flowers after it not just before it and wives would never be too tired or complain about being tired.

Amen